An old post – I wanted to write even prior to making the bun in the oven news public.

It’s been so long – once again, since I’ve posted. I’ve spent the last 3 months with one singular focus: trying not to puke. There’s a part of me that wonders if this isn’t some evolutionary attention getter. Voice on high: You will focus on nothing else other than you, your digestion and the well being of your child. Knitting? God who cares. In depth mind processes aka thought? Who has the energy.

I did stumble upon something that I wish I would have tried a long time ago: Sea sickness bands. I’m not sure what took me so long. But it was the late night session of being face down in my toilet after a rather greasy noodle meal at lunch and the 5th episode of Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, that was the clincher. I would try anything to avoid feeling this way, even if it was to resort to a harmless yet not proven accupressure method. (And to avoid watching cooking shows when all I can manage to put down is a bowl of Cream-o-wheat.).)

I’m happy to say that I’ve felt so much better this week (Update: this wasn’t to last but the respite was nice). With the bands, and some other modifications: I essentially ate nothing of color for the first few days after the puke incident and proceeded to eat nothing warm (and thus smelly) – cold food only: fruit, and my current mainstay – sushi. I’ve eaten non-raw sushi for probably every other meal this week. I must confess I’m getting a bit sick of it. But it’s held me together. It digests easily, has vegetables, and occasionally protein.

It’s been such an insular focus, and oddly I feel like the most uninteresting person on the planet given all my thought and energy is going into the not puking and reading all that I can on birthing and preparing for giving birth. Yes, I’m jumping the gun a bit, but I’m trying to figure out where and how I want to have this kid. It’s been relatively all consuming. I have managed to squeeze some news reading in, riding my bike to work a bit more, and am planning to go to an art show with a friend tonight so the horizons are widening. But it’s been a strange state: The one thing that is consuming my attention and focus and every bodily function is something that is the biggest secret. Because I refuse to make it all public, especially at work, until I’m out of the miscarriage woods.

Meanwhile I feel like I do my weird rituals to keep from puking: like eating saltines like they’re going out of style, drinking lemonade like it’s the nectar of the gods, and not removing my sea-bands except for showers and sleep. I have a fear that I’ll wake up one morning to find my hands pinched off – two bloody stubs with a form of sophisticated rubber band wrapped around each.

Which by the way brings up the issue of rituals. I never was superstitious until I mountain biked. I think it was the lack of confidence in my own abilities. I couldn’t depend on myself to win a race, but if I did everything just so, and I had my lucky string with me – like the first time I won a race – well, then, I could win another one. And so it went. Same with the nausea and “morning sickness” (There’s a special hell awaiting the asshole who named this ‘morning’ sickness – since it strikes most folks, including myself, all day long.) Since I’ve put on my sea-bands god help the person who tries to wrench them from my body to wash them. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to ask my Felipe to wash them while I sleep.