So the other day I went to one of the carts downtown. It’s one of my favorites and I was one of the reasons they started using a number system - they accidentally gave my food to someone else. But I digress. Upon receiving my order they paid me my change in all ones. As he was counting it back it seemed like he must have given me an extra dollar, so as soon as I moved from the window, I went to a table to recount the change. As I was just beginning this process, a gentleman approached and asked me for money. I’ve been known lately to hand over duckets on the street. After living in Berkeley for several years I got really jaded, and stopped giving to folks on the street completely. But several months ago, I gave some money to the guy who walks around in a blanket with the matted hair. That guy has a special place in my heart. And also stupidly gave some money to a young girl who claimed to “be stuck in Portland after coming here from Seattle for an internet date” that went awry and now she needed a hotel room. Well, I could identify with that. How many of us haven’t been stuck in another state due to a crappy internet date. Oh. Just me?

Call me naive, but I was really hoping her story was true. But then several days ago I saw her again, and she asked me again for money. Which doesn’t necessarily mean she was lying it could just be really hard to get money to get back to Seattle. I’m just sayin’. So all that said. I’ve become jaded again. And when Mr. Man accosted me, I was a little annoyed. I didn’t show it, but I did say, holding a fistful of dollar bills, “No, Sorry.” He responded, to the air behind me, “I’m just trying to buy some lunch. And I’m just short a dollar.” Hoping I would sense the universal irony in my evilness. I went back to counting.

After lunch I went with spaceninja for a walk to the RiteAid just up the street. On our way back, Mr. Man stops us and speaks to spaceninja, “So how about this. If you needed money, and you asked me I would give it to you.”
Spaceninja: “I’m sorry, I’m not following.”
Mr. Man: Repeats himself, a little more agitated.
I stand there quietly. I knew where this passive aggressive diatribe was going, and I could speak up, but figured it would just exacerbate the situation if I spoke to the earlier thing. So I sat tight.
Spaceninja: “Sir, are you mad at me?”
Mr. Man: “Uh no.” Realizing somewhat that the plan of attack is backfiring as he’s approached the most well-adjusted person in Portland. “No I was just saying if you ever needed money…”
Spaceninja: “Oh. Ok. Sorry.”

We walk away. And I explain to spaceninja my earlier karmic infractions that had led to his trouble.

I felt bad for like a second. I mean I would never enjoy my friends having to deal with my choices with the homeless folks, but seriously, dude - I’m just not giving money on the street today, ok? I don’t explain myself to you, I don’t need you to explain yourself to me.

But later I realized it was a classic example of passive aggressiveness! I had never experienced that on the street before. With my mother? Yes. Seen it taken to an artform in the hands of the Lebanese mother of a guy I dated once. Yes. A homeless guy? Never. Until today. Kudos, Mr. Man.

It’s been a month of identity crisis here at the ranch.  What with my site getting hacked - due to my inattention, no doubt - not keeping up with WordPress versions and not changing my passwords frequently enough.  Please if you have a site and haven’t done these things - take me as a lesson.  I had really not taken it all seriously enough.  The good news is it’s made me re-evaluate why I have a site to begin with.  I do it in large part as an obligation.  I’m a web person.  I can’t “not” have a site.  But that said, I want to make it something I enjoy - other than just a receptacle for a portfolio and a resume.  So I’ve taken this site down to the bare bones.  Just the blog, and hopefully over time I can add back the portfolio and decide on a template or a design of my own to fit the bill.  Until then I’m hoping to just try and write.  And do less writing about writing!

However before I do that, I will write about writing one last time!  I finished NaNoWriMo and didn’t keep up with the week 4 follow up.  Mostly due to having lofatmo in town, and partially just moving on with life.  But I know one thing is for certain:  I’m having withdrawls.  I miss the desire to get up at 5 or 5:30 to bang out my 2-3K words.  It gave me purpose and it sent me off to my day job with a sense of purpose, and feeling like I had already accomplished a personal goal so the rest of the day’s doings were just gravy.  That anything was possible.  That maybe, just maybe, I could be something other than a web person by trade.  Not that that’s bad.  I just always hope there will be something else. It also seemed to make sure I did exercise, and I achieved more balance in my life during that month than I probably do on a day to day basis during the rest of my life.  Sad, I know.  But true.  I would make sure to ride my bike to work at least 2-3 days a week, usually the first two days of the week, as I knew I would peter out and spend more time writing as the week drew to a close.

That said, I also revelled in time wasters.  I did more chores that I vowed I hated or would never do during November, due to NaNoWriMo, than I ever swore I would.  I re-activated my Facebook account.  I got in touch with people I’ve been meaning to contact since I dropped off the face of their earth 3, 5, 10 years ago.  I fixed my website - cleansing it from hacker attacks 3, nay 4 times.  Took a watercolor class, a fiction class and started up another small mosaic project.  Note to self, if I want to be more active in visual arts, just take up a ridiculous writing task, and watch the pieces fall into place.

After taking a few weeks off - I finished this thing really during the third week of Nov so that I could relax with company during the holidays - I decided to climb back on the horse this morning.  At the urging of boegle, I started - if somewhat half-heartedly - the revision process.  I keep telling myself I need to read this thing in one sitting, and maybe I do to get the full story arch and see all of it’s pitfalls and fiascos.  But I’m slightly glad that I’m not just tossing it into the trashbin.  As I’ve heard that happens.  And maybe this will be the story that never gets told, but the characters are interesting to me.  So I think for now, I’ll keep visiting them.

San Xavier Mission, Tucson, originally uploaded by phatmunkay.

This was taken about two Decembers ago on a trip to San Xavier Mission with boegle. This is one of my favorite places in Arizona. And this was a really crazy birdhouse. This blog needed some visual spice!

Well I heard week 2 is always the most unproductive, and that was definitely true.  I took the sage advice from the Chris Baty book and banked in my words so that I’d have some padding when the honey moon wore off.  And wear off it did.  Week one I was literally up at 5 am each morning cranking out my 2,000 word quota, give or take.  And some days I did closer to 3K to get me into the home stretch.  I know I’m going to probably end up doing nothing over the thanksgiving holiday, what with obnoxious company and all (lofatmo).  So I figured I better just finish the damned thing.  But week 2 was met with much apathy.  I was lucky to get out of bed at all, and the mid week quota really suffered.  Last Saturday, however, I was able to sit and crank out quite a chunk, and added about 10k to the count over the weekend.

I’ve been better this week at getting up early - although tonight I’m really blowing it.  I have to say, if anything else NaNoWriMo gets you to do all of those tasks you’ve been procrastinating.  Hate Facebook?  Think it’s a big waste of your time?  Been thinking it’s really time you put a bunch of ridiculous widgets and badges on your website? Few people you’ve been thinking about reconnecting with but don’t know quite how to say “Sorry I flaked?  I really do want to be your friend, even if it has been 2 years since we last spoke.”  Start writing a novel in a month.  You’ll find all kinds of spare time to write constant twitter posts, reply to all of those plant and friend requests (WTF?) and any other lame facebook app plying for seconds of your life.  It’s really ridiculous the amount of crap I’ve done this week.  The good news is, if being social online counts - which for me, sadly, sometimes that’s the only social I do - I’ve been really reaching out!

Tonight was my last writing class at the Writer’s Attic.  And I felt really self conscious in that I was the one in the room with the rosey glow of a newbie.  I’m excited about actually meeting my goal and I’m feeling pretty confident, even if my plots are twisting in knot’s as we speak.  Some real writers in my class were very downtrodden by the whole experience.  And I know in my heart of hearts it’s because they care about what they write.  And they’e already come face to face with the revison process.  I’m just enjoying the beginner status.  If it’s like mountain bike racing as a beginner, you start out blindly unsure as to what you can achieve and are just happy when you finish the thing, nevermind kicking someones ass - that’s total gravy.  But the second year.  When you’ve been winning, and expectations are high and training regimens are at stake - things just take on a level of seriousness.  Which equals no fun.   So I’m trying not to be intimidated by the real writers that are writhing in pain with NaNoWriMo.  That will be me soon enough.  For now I’m just hoping to keep my head down, and my eye on the prize:  The crappiest novel draft of 50,000 words known to man.